Just a girl who walks dogs and hangs out in cemeteries. Stay feral, y'all.
It started with one tiny raindrop. I was walking home carrying a coffee, wearing shoes that had absolutely no business being outdoors, when a single drop landed on my arm. “No big deal,” I thought. The sky heard me. Apparently, this was a challenge. Within approximately four seconds, the heavens opened with the enthusiasm of... Continue Reading →
Pickles was a twelve-pound orange cat who firmly believed he owned the house. Technically, the mortgage belonged to his human, Sarah. Pickles considered this an administrative error. His daily responsibilities included screaming at Sarah because he could see the bottom of his food bowl, knocking pens off the desk during important video calls, and sitting... Continue Reading →
The plan was simple. Three friends, one car, a six-hour drive, and a relaxing weekend at a little cabin by the lake. “We leave at seven,” Rachel announced the night before. “No delays. No unnecessary stops. We are going to be organized adults.” They left at 9:17. The first delay happened because Sophia couldn't find... Continue Reading →
I went to a petting zoo because apparently, at some point in my life, I decided I needed more wholesome experiences. There were fluffy sheep. Tiny ponies. Sleepy rabbits. Children giggling while feeding adorable little animals from their hands. t was delightful. Then I met Kevin. I don't actually know if the goat's name was... Continue Reading →
It started because my neighbor Carol decided we should have a neighborhood yard sale. Carol is one of those aggressively organized people who owns a label maker and actually uses it. Her garage contains matching storage bins. Her Christmas decorations are sorted by color. She probably has a folder somewhere labelled IMPORTANT FOLDERS. So when... Continue Reading →
All I wanted to do was go home. That was it. I had finished work, I was tired, I was hungry, and I had already mentally changed into pajamas. My couch was waiting for me. Dinner was waiting for me. I had absolutely no interest in adventure. Apparently, the city had other plans. I pulled... Continue Reading →
I knew the day was going to be a disaster when I put my shirt on backwards. I did not realize this immediately. I walked around the house for twenty minutes wondering why my collar felt like it was trying to strangle me before finally looking in the mirror. Fine. Easy fix. I changed my... Continue Reading →
It all started with a garbage can. Not my garbage can, which is important. I don't need anyone assuming I spend my mornings investigating municipal waste containers for entertainment. I have hobbies. At approximately 7:15 on a Saturday morning, I looked out my kitchen window and noticed my neighbor's garbage can lying in the middle... Continue Reading →
My alarm went off at 6:30 Monday morning, which was incredibly rude considering I had done absolutely nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. I opened one eye and stared at the ceiling. For several seconds, I genuinely considered whether employment was necessary. Surely there had to be another option. Could I become independently wealthy... Continue Reading →
Monday arrived with all the enthusiasm of an unpaid bill. Technically, it was a brand-new week, full of possibilities and opportunities and all those other inspirational things people say when they clearly have more energy than I do. I, meanwhile, was feeling a little blah. Not dramatically blah. Just that special kind of blah where... Continue Reading →
The Cool Beans 