Just a girl who walks dogs and hangs out in cemeteries. Stay feral, y'all.
I knew the day was going to be a disaster when I put my shirt on backwards. I did not realize this immediately. I walked around the house for twenty minutes wondering why my collar felt like it was trying to strangle me before finally looking in the mirror. Fine. Easy fix. I changed my... Continue Reading →
There is a lonely hillside cemetery in rural Clay County, Indiana, where an old staircase has inspired generations of people to ask one unsettling question: if you could learn exactly how you were going to die, would you really want to know? Known as 100 Steps Cemetery, Carpenter Cemetery, and Cloverland Cemetery, the burial ground... Continue Reading →
It all started with a garbage can. Not my garbage can, which is important. I don't need anyone assuming I spend my mornings investigating municipal waste containers for entertainment. I have hobbies. At approximately 7:15 on a Saturday morning, I looked out my kitchen window and noticed my neighbor's garbage can lying in the middle... Continue Reading →
My alarm went off at 6:30 Monday morning, which was incredibly rude considering I had done absolutely nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. I opened one eye and stared at the ceiling. For several seconds, I genuinely considered whether employment was necessary. Surely there had to be another option. Could I become independently wealthy... Continue Reading →
Monday arrived with all the enthusiasm of an unpaid bill. Technically, it was a brand-new week, full of possibilities and opportunities and all those other inspirational things people say when they clearly have more energy than I do. I, meanwhile, was feeling a little blah. Not dramatically blah. Just that special kind of blah where... Continue Reading →
It was supposed to be a nice walk. Those were the exact words I said as I reached for the leashes. “Come on, guys. We’re just going for a nice walk.” Looking back, I realize this was arrogant. You should never announce your plans in front of dogs. They hear optimism and immediately interpret it... Continue Reading →
At 7:03 on Monday morning, Lily decided she was going to become a calm person. Not eventually. Not after therapy, personal growth, or several years living alone in a cabin where nobody could find her. Today. She had watched a video the night before featuring a suspiciously peaceful woman wearing beige linen who explained that... Continue Reading →
Some weeks are productive. Some weeks are relaxing. Some weeks are inspiring journeys of personal growth... And then there are weeks where you basically stumble from one day to the next, fueled by questionable amounts of sleep, conversations with dogs, and the stubborn belief that eventually Friday will arrive. Welcome to my week. It started... Continue Reading →
At 7:13 on a perfectly respectable Tuesday morning, I discovered that I had an enemy. He was a squirrel. I don't know his real name, obviously, but I named him Gary because he looked like a Gary. He had the smug confidence of someone who had never paid a bill in his life and yet... Continue Reading →
Well...another week is in the poop bags! It wasn't exactly exciting, but somehow it still managed to be exhausting. You know those weeks where absolutely nothing major happens, yet by Friday you're ready to crawl into bed and pretend adulthood is optional? Yeah...one of those. Work was actually pretty quiet this week. A good chunk... Continue Reading →
The Cool Beans 