Just a girl who walks dogs and hangs out in cemeteries. Stay feral, y'all.
It was supposed to be a nice walk. Those were the exact words I said as I reached for the leashes. “Come on, guys. We’re just going for a nice walk.” Looking back, I realize this was arrogant. You should never announce your plans in front of dogs. They hear optimism and immediately interpret it... Continue Reading →
At 8:14 on Saturday morning, Isabelle woke up feeling ambitious. This was unusual. Normally, Saturday morning Isabelle believed strongly in remaining horizontal until her bladder presented a legally binding eviction notice. But on this particular morning, sunlight streamed through the curtains, birds were singing, and somewhere deep inside her brain, a deeply irritating voice whispered,... Continue Reading →
At 7:03 on Monday morning, Lily decided she was going to become a calm person. Not eventually. Not after therapy, personal growth, or several years living alone in a cabin where nobody could find her. Today. She had watched a video the night before featuring a suspiciously peaceful woman wearing beige linen who explained that... Continue Reading →
Some weeks are productive. Some weeks are relaxing. Some weeks are inspiring journeys of personal growth... And then there are weeks where you basically stumble from one day to the next, fueled by questionable amounts of sleep, conversations with dogs, and the stubborn belief that eventually Friday will arrive. Welcome to my week. It started... Continue Reading →
There are certain moments in life when you realize you’ve made a mistake. For Julia, that moment came when she was standing in the frozen-food aisle holding a family-sized lasagna while an employee announced over the store’s speaker system, “Would the owner of a blue Honda Civic please return to your vehicle? Your car appears... Continue Reading →
Long before the roads and buildings of modern Leonardtown, Maryland, there were thick forests, scattered farms and small settlements where life could be difficult and uncertainty was often frightening. It was in this landscape, sometime around the late seventeenth century, that legend places a mysterious woman named Moll Dyer. She is remembered today as the... Continue Reading →
At 7:13 on a perfectly respectable Tuesday morning, I discovered that I had an enemy. He was a squirrel. I don't know his real name, obviously, but I named him Gary because he looked like a Gary. He had the smug confidence of someone who had never paid a bill in his life and yet... Continue Reading →
At 10:47pm on a Sunday night, Brenda made a terrible decision. She decided to get her life together. This was not the first time Brenda had made this decision. Historically, she got her life together approximately six times a year, usually after watching an inspirational video made by someone whose kitchen counters were suspiciously empty.... Continue Reading →
