Just a girl who walks dogs and hangs out in cemeteries. Stay feral, y'all.
Matilda Thistlewick had always maintained that there were three things a respectable witch should never trust: a smiling tax collector, a mushroom that introduced itself, and a Tuesday that began pleasantly. Unfortunately, this particular Tuesday began with sunshine, birdsong, and a perfectly brewed cup of tea. “Suspicious,” Matilda muttered, standing at her kitchen window in... Continue Reading →
Matilda Thistlewick had made a solemn promise to herself. She was going to have a normal Saturday. No spells, no curses, no accidental dimensional portals, and absolutely no magical emergencies requiring government intervention. Just an ordinary, peaceful Saturday involving a little shopping, a nice cup of tea, and perhaps a digestive biscuit or seventeen. After... Continue Reading →
Matilda Thistlewick had reached an age where she believed she deserved three things in life: comfortable shoes, uninterrupted afternoon naps, and the right to tell people to bugger off without providing an explanation. At one hundred and forty-four years old, she felt these were perfectly reasonable expectations. Well, the universe apparently had other plans. It... Continue Reading →
There comes a point in every woman's life when she wakes up, looks at herself in the mirror, and thinks, "You know what? I've really got my shit together." I have not reached that point. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect that particular milestone has been cancelled due to lack of interest, insufficient funding, and... Continue Reading →
There are people who begin their mornings with meditation. They wake gently to the sound of birds, stretch their arms toward the heavens, drink lemon water, write three pages in a gratitude journal, and thoughtfully set an intention for the day. I sit in my car and talk to the internet while dogs breathe directly... Continue Reading →
I had one simple errand. That sentence should have been my first warning. All I needed to do was drive downtown, pick up a package, and come home. According to Google Maps, the entire trip would take twenty-seven minutes. According to reality, I apparently needed provisions, emergency flares, a lawyer, and the emotional resilience of... Continue Reading →
It started, as most bad decisions do, with confidence. “It’s a corn maze,” I said. “How hard can it be?” Those words should have immediately summoned a park employee to confiscate my admission bracelet and escort me back to the parking lot. Instead, I marched into the maze with three friends, absolutely convinced that generations... Continue Reading →
I knew the day was going to be garbage when I woke up before my alarm. Not because I was refreshed. Not because my body had miraculously decided that 6:17am was a beautiful time to embrace life. No. I woke up because something cold and wet touched my foot. There are very few things you... Continue Reading →
I decided to start a garden because apparently I looked at my already chaotic life and thought, You know what this needs? Several dozen tiny green dependents with very specific emotional needs. People online made gardening look peaceful. There were videos of women wandering barefoot through immaculate gardens at sunrise, gently gathering tomatoes into wicker... Continue Reading →
I’ve apparently reached the point in my life where sitting in my car and talking to my phone has become a perfectly normal part of the morning. I get into the driver’s seat, settle myself in, look at the camera and begin delivering a completely unsolicited State of the Union address to the internet. Except... Continue Reading →
