Just a girl who walks dogs and hangs out in cemeteries. Stay feral, y'all.
My alarm went off at 6:30 Monday morning, and for approximately twelve beautiful seconds, I didn't know what day it was. Then I remembered. Monday. The weekly reminder that apparently society expects me to participate. I hit snooze because I believe strongly in setting achievable goals. Nine minutes later, the alarm went off again. I... Continue Reading →
I would like to begin by saying that I have an excellent memory. Unfortunately, I have forgotten all the evidence supporting this claim. My problems started yesterday morning when I couldn’t find my phone. This was concerning because I had literally just been using it. I checked the kitchen counter. Nothing. I checked the couch.... Continue Reading →
There are weeks when you wake up refreshed, organized and ready to embrace all the beautiful possibilities life has to offer. And then there are weeks when you sit in your car talking to your phone while several dogs breathe directly onto the back of your head and you realize this is apparently your life... Continue Reading →
Friday afternoon began with the kind of optimism that, in retrospect, should have been considered a warning sign. It was 2:47pm. The weekend was so close I could practically smell sweatpants and poor decisions. I had exactly three things left to accomplish: finish one small task, stop at the grocery store and go home. That... Continue Reading →
It started with a loose cabinet handle. That was it. One tiny, slightly wobbly handle on one perfectly functional kitchen cabinet. A normal person would have tightened the screw and continued living a peaceful life. I am apparently not a normal person. Saturday morning, I grabbed a screwdriver and announced, “This will take two minutes.”... Continue Reading →
I went to the grocery store at 7:03am for one reason and one reason only: there would be no people. This wasn't a shopping trip. This was a tactical operation. I had calculated everything. Tuesday morning. Barely daylight. Most reasonable humans would either be sleeping, getting ready for work, or standing half-conscious in their kitchens... Continue Reading →
I went into the changeroom with exactly three shirts and the kind of optimism usually found in people who haven't yet been betrayed by retail architecture. This was supposed to take five minutes. Try on shirt. Look in mirror. Question every decision I've made since 1997. Put shirt back on hanger. Leave. Simple. The first... Continue Reading →
I decided to go to the cottage for the weekend because I needed to “get away from it all.” You know. Relax. Recharge. Reconnect with nature. Nature, as it turns out, had not been consulted about this arrangement. I packed Friday morning with the confidence of someone preparing for a casual two-day getaway and the... Continue Reading →
It started with one tiny raindrop. Just one. It landed directly on my forehead as I stepped outside, which I chose to interpret as Mother Nature affectionately booping me on the head. “Aw,” I thought. “A little rain.” That was adorable. Ten minutes later, Mother Nature was apparently trying to drown me. The weather forecast... Continue Reading →
I woke up Wednesday morning with absolutely no intention of achieving greatness. I wasn’t going to exercise. I wasn’t going to meditate. I wasn’t going to journal about gratitude while drinking lemon water and watching the sunrise. No, my goal was much more realistic. Coffee. Pants. Survive. I felt this was an achievable three-step program.... Continue Reading →
