Just a girl who walks dogs and hangs out in cemeteries. Stay feral, y'all.
At 7:03 on Monday morning, I made a terrible decision. I decided to get my life together. I’d seen one of those inspirational posts the night before. You know the ones. Some suspiciously cheerful woman was sitting cross-legged on a perfectly white bed holding a cup of tea while sunlight gently streamed through the window.... Continue Reading →
I woke up one morning with confidence. That was my first mistake. I stretched, looked around, and thought, You know what? Today I'm going to get things done. Somewhere, the universe spit out its coffee. I had a whole plan. Laundry. Cleaning. Groceries. Yard work. Maybe even organize that one cupboard where I've been throwing... Continue Reading →
There are people who wake up in the morning refreshed. They stretch. They drink water. They meditate. They journal about gratitude. They stand beside a sunny window holding a tasteful ceramic mug while quietly contemplating all the wonderful possibilities the new day may bring. I wake up and immediately wonder what fresh bullshit the universe... Continue Reading →
I went outside to pull one weed. That is important to remember. One. Weed. It was growing beside the front steps, looking smug and disrespectful, and every time I walked past it I thought, I should really pull that. So Saturday afternoon, armed with absolutely no plan whatsoever, I marched outside, grabbed the weed, and... Continue Reading →
I went to the county fair with exactly three goals: eat something deep-fried, win an unnecessarily large stuffed animal, and leave without becoming part of an incident. Two out of three seemed realistic. The trouble began eleven minutes after we arrived. My friend Rachel spotted a booth selling deep-fried pickles and immediately announced, “We should... Continue Reading →
It started with one tiny raindrop. I was walking home carrying a coffee, wearing shoes that had absolutely no business being outdoors, when a single drop landed on my arm. “No big deal,” I thought. The sky heard me. Apparently, this was a challenge. Within approximately four seconds, the heavens opened with the enthusiasm of... Continue Reading →
Pickles was a twelve-pound orange cat who firmly believed he owned the house. Technically, the mortgage belonged to his human, Sarah. Pickles considered this an administrative error. His daily responsibilities included screaming at Sarah because he could see the bottom of his food bowl, knocking pens off the desk during important video calls, and sitting... Continue Reading →
The plan was simple. Three friends, one car, a six-hour drive, and a relaxing weekend at a little cabin by the lake. “We leave at seven,” Rachel announced the night before. “No delays. No unnecessary stops. We are going to be organized adults.” They left at 9:17. The first delay happened because Sophia couldn't find... Continue Reading →
I went to a petting zoo because apparently, at some point in my life, I decided I needed more wholesome experiences. There were fluffy sheep. Tiny ponies. Sleepy rabbits. Children giggling while feeding adorable little animals from their hands. t was delightful. Then I met Kevin. I don't actually know if the goat's name was... Continue Reading →
Well, we made it through another week. I don't know who authorized that, but apparently time continues to move forward regardless of whether we're emotionally prepared for it. So here we are: five days, a ridiculous amount of walking, several hats, some theoretical coffee, weather negotiations, dogs, and at least one story that apparently required... Continue Reading →
