Just Another Peaceful Morning… Said No One Ever

Sunday morning, Melissa woke up with a plan.

This was her first mistake.

She was going to clean the house, do the laundry, organize the kitchen, water the plants and maybe even relax afterward. Adorable. She started by putting a load of laundry in the washing machine. While that was running, she decided to empty the dishwasher.

Three plates in, the doorbell rang. Melissa opened the door to find a delivery driver holding a package.

“Delivery for Melissa?”

“Yes!” The moment she signed for it, she heard a crash from the kitchen. She ran back inside. The cat was sitting on the counter beside a shattered drinking glass, looking deeply concerned about Melissa’s irresponsible decision to leave it there.

“Fantastic.” She grabbed the broom. The washing machine beeped. The microwave beeped. Her phone rang. The smoke detector beeped.

Melissa froze.

“WHY IS EVERYONE BEEPING?”

She answered the phone while sweeping.

“Hello?”

“Hi! We’re calling about your internet service—”

“No.”

She hung up.

The smoke detector beeped again.

Apparently, its battery had chosen this exact moment to begin its farewell tour.

Melissa dragged a chair into the hallway, climbed onto it and reached for the detector.

The doorbell rang again.

She slowly lowered her arm.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Another package.

She hadn’t even remembered ordering the first one.

While carrying it inside, she noticed water spreading across the laundry-room floor.

The washing machine was leaking.

Of course it was.

Melissa grabbed every towel she owned and threw them onto the floor.

The cat immediately sat on one.

“Move.”

The cat did not move.

Naturally.

Then Melissa smelled something burning.

Her toast.

She ran into the kitchen and discovered two pieces of bread that had apparently bypassed “toast” and gone directly to “archaeological remains.”

She opened a window.

The smoke detector became even more enthusiastic.

BEEP.

“I KNOW.”

BEEP.

“WE ALL KNOW.”

Then someone knocked on the open window.

Melissa screamed.

Her neighbour Dave was standing outside.

“Everything okay?”

Melissa looked around.

There were towels covering the laundry room. Broken glass was still waiting to be swept up. Smoke floated through the kitchen. Two mysterious packages sat in the hallway. The cat was lying on a wet towel. The dishwasher was hanging open, and somewhere in the house her phone had started ringing again.

She looked back at Dave.

“Define okay.”

Dave disappeared.

Five minutes later, he returned with a toolbox.

He fixed the washing-machine hose.

Then he replaced the smoke-detector battery.

Melissa finally finished sweeping up the glass and collapsed onto the couch.

It was 9:47 a.m.

She had been awake for less than two hours.

Dave looked at her.

“So what are you doing with the rest of your day?”

Melissa stared at him.

“Surviving.”

Then the doorbell rang.

They both looked toward the hallway.

Melissa didn’t move.

“You going to get that?” Dave asked.

“No. I live here now.”

The doorbell rang again.

Melissa pulled a blanket over her head.

The cat crawled underneath it with her.

For once, they agreed on something.

The house wasn’t clean. The laundry wasn’t finished. The kitchen wasn’t organized, and the plants were going to have to find the strength to carry on without her.

But Melissa had learned an important lesson.

Never wake up on a Sunday and announce that you’re going to “get a lot done.”

The universe hears that as a challenge. 😂

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